we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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