Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
