remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
