I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
