the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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