It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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