you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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