I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
