if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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