I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
