Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
