drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
