Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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