I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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