Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
