So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
