its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
