whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
