Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am naked and annoyed.
I touched a dick in church today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
