you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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