I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
