I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
