So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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