Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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