I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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