I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
