I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
