It's Friday. Sex?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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