you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
