i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
