I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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