But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
