He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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