Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
