So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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