There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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