You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Come on in and take your pants off
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