I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
