We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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