We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
