your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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