I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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