I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
