Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
