A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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