We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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