i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
