please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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