I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
