just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
