I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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