yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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