Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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