My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
